I’m so scared, I’m afraid I can’t get pregnant again!A self -telling story of a young mother

Author: Caiwei

For the first time, the child was seriously considered. After my second abortion, I was misdiagnosed as a natural abortion of ectopic pregnancy.Before that, I was extremely confident in my body, thinking that having children was just a matter of time, as long as the best pregnancy age was the best pregnancy.Later I found out that things were not so simple.

At 12 years, I graduated from a master’s degree and was newly married, but I didn’t find a suitable job. I coincided with a coincidence to be an assistant to a female boss.Everyone does not look at my job, and thinks that I should find a more stable one, such as being a teacher, or taking a civil servant, including myself.My parents asked me to regenerate my child after finding a stable job, because with a child, I would definitely delay various exams. I thought so. My husband expressed his respect for me.

However, I liked this assistant’s job at the time, and was full of novelty, like a piece of white paper looking forward to various colors embellishment.On the first day of work, the boss said, Xiaowei, I have a very important guest today. I invite him to dinner at noon. Can you do it?I thought as a newcomer, I couldn’t say no, so I followed.After that, I realized that the so -called goodness refers to drinking.In fact, I really don’t drink, but I cherish the opportunity of work, so I blushed a lot.After the first performance, there was a second and third time.

She was very important to me at the time. In addition to arranging my business work for me, I also asked me to make some accounts. Many I have never been in contact with it.The company’s new business has just begun to encounter a lot of difficulties. During that time, the boss continued to invite guests to eat and coordinate. My job was to work out of work and drinking overtime.I am tired, but still fulfilling, nothing wrong.Until one night when I didn’t want to move on the sofa, I forgot what my husband had quarreled with me because of my husband. I just remember that I said coldly to him at the time: "Don’t quarrel with me, I’m pregnant."I was scared by the words that I was unconscious, and then ran out of the pharmacy in the middle of the night to buy a test paper.When I came out, I cried.I took medicine and drank a lot of wine. I’m sorry for this unexpected little life.

Later, I always dreamed of swimming in the water, and it was a small fish wearing small flowers in my ears.I unconsciously touched my belly with my hands, feeling this little fish, sometimes smiling happily, sometimes crying, hysteria for a few days, and was finally taken to the hospital for examination.I have done a B -ultrasound and diagnosed 40 days of pregnancy. The first sentence of the doctor read the B -ultrasound is: "Do you plan or not?"

I thought I heard it wrong, but I didn’t. The same cold, the female doctor repeated it again.

I recalled the process of pregnancy and told her timidly: "I took contraceptives at the time, and I still drank wine in the middle …" "

The female doctor said, "It’s best not to ask, now you can still flow, and you have to be a people."

I couldn’t stand such reason and cold, and I walked out with tears.

Crying home.I asked my husband if he wanted to be born. He said, what should I do if the child is unhealthy?He said no, I said I wanted.The only consensus was to hide the parents of both parties first.

So I changed several hospitals. The doctors in each hospital said that they were ambiguous. One doctor even questioned me: "What do you do? How can you drink so much wine?" He told me that the most eclectic method wasDonald screening is performed at five months of pregnancy.

After listening to many cases, I checked a lot of information and let the little fish grow in my belly for another month. I finally made up my mind to do artificial abortion.That morning, I saw a grandfather playing with a silly grandson in the park. The child would only squeak and scream. The old man was exhausted, but the child could not understand the strange eyes of others.I think I can’t afford such a life.

The service attitude of the people who are abortion are very good. They can provide painless, minimally invasive, superconducting, and claim that you can easily solve all problems in sleep.When you are lying on the cold surgical bed, the doctor starts to work when you talk and laugh. You won’t think that you are stifling your life at all, but you are as easy as cutting a sister -in -law.People lined up for abortion surgery. I was a little couple in front of me, and I was a little couple behind me.When they pushed me out of me, I still fell asleep. My husband woke up and said that the doctor told him that my anesthetic surgery was not enough, so they gave me half of the hemp medicine prepared for the girl behind.If you have a long point, you will not charge an additional fee.So, I have to thank her again.But I don’t want to thank anyone. My belly is empty, the little fish is gone, and I killed her.

After a long break, I went to work, and my life seemed to return to the past.

Drink, work overtime, travel on a business trip.On business trips, overtime, drinking.

When the girls in the office were envious and jealous of me, I was full of disgust with my life.People always want to get whatever they lose, and I can’t wait to have children.For this reason, I started studying the children of spring children’s cleverness or winter children. It was more suitable to start planning to get pregnant.For this reason, I started to find a way to escape the accompanying boss to eat, and began to pretend to go to the toilet when everyone turns in toasting.For this reason, the gifts brought back from abroad have gradually gone me, and my work is getting less and less important.It is worth all as long as you can get pregnant.

In August 13, I was pregnant again. I calculated that my child could just be born in the spring of the next year, but at this time, there was a situation.The results of the examination were scary. The doctor said that there were eighty nine or nine ectopic pregnancy. I stayed at home to rest, and instructed that I could not leave others. Once abdominal pain, I went to the hospital for the first time.It’s about to collapse.

I ca n’t sleep in the middle of the night. I took my mobile phone to search for the treatment and consequences of ectopic pregnancy.

Probably God felt that I was not a full of wicked people. After I was scared, I gave me a fact that I could accept.After a few weeks of blood testing HCG, I was finally told that it was naturally aborted.

I still have my dream, I am a person who is good at dreaming.I once dreamed that I was fishing by the pond when I was a kid. Fishing came, but there was no bucket of fish. In order to prevent it from returning to the pool, I fell to death cruelly and splashed the ground.

This time it is a little fish, don’t want me anymore.

I suspected that my body had a problem, suspected that artificial abortion destroyed my uterus, and suspected that God was punishing me.

I’m so scared.I am afraid that I can never get pregnant again, I am afraid that I will never have children.

My classmates, getting married later than me, my high school classmates, many of them are ready to have a second child.But I can’t hear the news of who is pregnant, even my closest girlfriend, the feeling is only sour.Seeing pregnant people on the street, I think they are proud, and I will stare at their big belly with great envy.

At this time, the in -laws began to urge the grandson, and her husband’s attitude became ambiguous.Without a child, it has become my fault.

I finally changed my job, stable and leisure, but not in my husband’s city.My husband didn’t want to let me go. My female boss kept me, and I was reckless.I have lost two children, and I have to treat the child seriously and seriously.

When Wang Xiaoyu’s children came, I was away from tobacco and alcohol. There were basically no other unfavorable conditions except for some radiation of the computer.Thanks to God for his care for me.I still call him a little fish, and I treat them as a child.

This time I was careful, for fear of any loss.Finally, B -ultrasound can see the embryo germ, like the new germinated beans; I can hear the fetal heart, like a pony; I can see small arms and legs, like a small firewood stick;Three months later, my heart gradually stabilized.Later, the four -dimensional color Doppler ultrasound can see a little monkey, it will move, it will kick me, and will move when listening to music … step by step, one day, although the gallbladder will hurt for a long time after each meal, it will be very painful after each meal.Time, although the toothache can only endure, although the feet are swollen and can’t wear shoes, it finally boiled the days when he was born.For more than two hundred days, I talked to him as if he was talking to himself, and I was worried about his health and even trembling.He was about to see this world, and I was about to see him.

What I have to mention is a good friend of mine. She took care of me since I was pregnant. When she was severely vomiting and couldn’t eat, she made a special pregnant woman at home for me to eat.When I was two months pregnant, she was also pregnant.When Xiaoyuer was six months old, her baby was four months old, and we also ate shrimp to supplement the baby with calcium.But she didn’t contact for more than a month, but she had miscarriage when I was in contact, and I was particularly sad.She slipped in the bathroom, and the baby had no heartbeat the next day. She could only go to the hospital for induction of labor. She was a male baby, just like mine.I dare not comfort her, for fear she will be more sad to see my big belly.Life is so fragile, and it is sloppy.

When there was a small fish, there was another mother in the delivery room. She had no contraction in the end. The baby could not be born. All indicators kept falling down. All doctors went to rescue her. In the end, her baby used a suction cup.After sucking, the mother and daughter were safe.I was lying on the bed and looked at and listened, and fortunately my pain was still regular.However, when Wang Xiaoyu came out, he suffocated slightly and couldn’t cry when he was slapped. I watched the doctors holding his little feet and facing down. When he was rescued, he was nervous.Fear, I relaxed until he cried and felt scared, and dared to ask the doctor about his condition.

After looking at the heating box for more than an hour, the nurse took him to me. His long hair covered his forehead, his head was squeezed and pointed, and his face was wrinkled.The fetal hair, even the long hair on the ear wheels, is ugly, but my heart is extremely happy.

Confession is a difficult thing, but it can’t be difficult to recall when it comes.Every day, the baby is changing, white, you are fatter, you can laugh, you can eat, you can turn around, and you will sit … you see that every moment he changes is happy.

Children make women gentle and make men more responsible.The child is the family’s bond and the source of happiness, and it is not right at all.Now, when his little hand strokes my face, when he is holding me to hold me to sleep on his side, he cries vaguely and called his mother. I think I am the happiest person in the world., I have disappeared on this villain.

Children have never been a trivial matter. He is a gift from heaven.On the issue of no birth, women, especially Chinese women, have never decided, so they have frozen the eggs like Xu Jinglei to leave themselves a chance.Life without a child is incomplete.

However, some data show that there are 13 million artificial abortion in China each year, which does not include 10 million yuan in drug abortion at home, and the number of people aborted in private small clinics.Living in the world.

From the people on the street leaflets to the pink card in your hand, to the small screen broadcast on the cycle of the bus, and then to TV advertisements with high ratings, various modern hospitals, women’s hospitals, and Boai Hospital advertisementsNot shy.When I was pregnant for the first time, I told my friends about my tangling. My friend said that how many women have not performed abortion now?So I discussed this kind of privacy topic with many friends.The answer was that some people were pregnant after marriage because of their poor economic conditions. Some people were pregnant before marriage because they did not determine the flow of people. After a birth of a child, I chose the flow of people by accident … From the perspective of the people around me, percentSeventy women have a bitter history of abortion …

The meaning of life lies in respect and awe.When many people go to the hospital to line up for abortion surgery, many people are trying to protect their fetuses in various ways, and many people do IVF.

My college classmate A has been married for four years, and has not been able to get pregnant successfully. I took a lot of Chinese medicine and western medicine. I almost blown myself into a balloon and had not been pregnant.Some time ago I called me and said that she intends to adopt a child.My colleague B has been married for ten years, and it takes five years to spend on IVF. Now she has a cute male baby, just two years old.My good friend C, a person who is thin, is particularly capable. I am pregnant twice in less than a year, and I have a carefully recuperate every time.Child.

What I want to say most is that children really do not want it, so when the angel comes, do not rush him easily.

My child had a cold and coughing pneumonia once in four months.At first, it was just a slight cough. The doctor said that taking medicine first, but then began to have a fever.One afternoon, burning at home to 38.5 degrees at home, we took him to the hospital. Within 20 minutes on the road, it had been burned to 39.4 degrees.It was spent, and the blood oxygen was low.Doctor lets oxygen.I always thought that the importance of oxygen was reflected in patients with particular severe illness. My child needed oxygen. At that time, I felt that the situation was very serious.The child kept crying, and he couldn’t coax. I wanted to comfort him with my milk, but there was no drop of milk.That night, I cared about him overnight, and prayed over and over again begging God to make my baby get better.I blame myself that I am not a good mother and do not take care of him.

He is the youngest baby in the ward. People say that children who eat breast milk are not sick within six months, which makes me more blame.When a few nurse pressed his hands and pressed his hands and feet, and with a few big blood from his neck, my heart was broken.I can’t wait to hide at this time, not to be sad if I don’t see it, but I am a mother, and I have to guard him even if I am sad.When he was wearing a stranded needle and wearing a hood, I couldn’t do anything … He was an independent life. You couldn’t replace his illness, and you could not see his tenacious struggle.

A week later, I was discharged from the hospital, and I had an updated understanding of my child.

But in addition to the awe of nature, in addition to respecting life, what else can I say besides the admiration of vitality?I can only say that children are not a trivial matter. I can’t decide his stay reckless. I can only give him more care.

One day, when I get old, there will be a life with my blood guarding me.

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